My Identity in Crisis

As a child, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a guy who is feminine in his voice; his walk; his style; his ways. In a nutshell, I saw him as a budding woman. At that stage of my life, I would be so disgusted with myself that I would brush off this fact and turn away from the derogatory reflection of my own. In fact, I would make failed attempts to act like the boys of my age.

Now, fully grown up, teased and taunted along the way by the forces, I have come to embrace my pseudo-real self.

What am I? A man, a woman or whichever construct the society throws me into?

In an orthodox world, you are either a male or a female and in some special cases, a transgendered person {though, people would still question your identity and thus your existence}.

What if you do not fit into these categories? What if your identity is your existential crisis? What if you are the one who blurs the line between both the gender constructs? What if you are a man with a feminine side or vice versa?

Apart from the traditional gender identities which are ‘naturally’ binary, there are several more that might be less than a mile from you, yet remain unexplored.

There are different terms pertaining to those ‘disabled/unnatural/different’ categories such as androgynous, gender-fluid, gender queer, gender**k, two spirited, intersex, etc.

The aim of my story is to debunk and unearth precisely the label that I belong to {even if you are against labels, you inadvertently get trapped into one}.

When I think of myself as a being, I keep in mind all my physical, behavioral and psychological features. From the appearance, I am a fully functional adult human MALE body. On the contrary, when I would see my behavior and the repercussions {these repercussions would include the imitations that I faced and would continue to encounter}, I am a classy budding feminist female DIVA. When I come to the psychological side, I would like to express myself as a DIVA but also as a MALE.

In short, with all this narration, I wanted to describe myself as an amalgam of the extremes in a typical feminine and a masculine abode. 

Androgyny is the quality of having both of these characters at once. An androgynous person is one whose state of mind is essentially between that of a man and a woman. Hermaphroditic or ‘Ardhnarishwar’ is a similar term to portray the physical appearance of an androgynous person.

 Our identity is who we think we are. Similarly, our gender identity is what we think we are, and nobody other than ourselves is responsible to decode that.


Solve the puzzle and then celebrate your triumph. 


7 thoughts on “My Identity in Crisis

  1. No words It’s simply amazing you are right . No one is born with male or female traits it’s what we become and want to become it’s imposed sometimes and one should learn to respect every bit of it .
    I am proud of you 😍😘

    Liked by 2 people

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